And this year,
I’ll remember
for the time
it gave me,

to find myself,
to feel my roots,
to release the weeds,

to replenish with water
the drying reservoirs
of my own soul,

to look in the mirror
and be able to see
not what they sought,
but what I was
and what I needed
and wanted to be,

to strip myself of
the years
of accumulated layers,
which unattended
had led to the creation
of an altered me,

to find my peace
away from it all,
without any guilt
or pressure
of having to escape
my own given reality,

to discover that love
is a beautiful emotion
and its owner
is always
its primary beneficiary,
to hold it like water
and then become
that very
untarnished water,
and to release it
without staining it
with any egoistcal
reciprocal attachments,
so that it can flow unmeasured
to wherever it needs to
or chooses to go,


to count the blessings
that unplanned fall
when the best of plans
happen to go awry,
to accept
that the future
is only on paper,
but it is
in that little moment
between an inhale
and an exhale
that perceivable life
actually exists,


to value each breath
like a lifetime lived,
to live each moment
as if without
a promised tomorrow,
to love them
even more
who value my life
as a part of their own,
and to mourn with them
in thoughts
and prayers
our loved ones lost,
and learn to accept
that whenever it comes
to sever these
bonds of love
death will always be
untimely,


to meet them
that knew not
of my this
little existence,
nor me of theirs
in their own
faraway worlds,
to appreciate
the right to exist
as any other
form of life,
and to take notice
that there are indeed
countless forms of life,


to find the freedom
and the right to dream
of a future
that may or may not
eventually be,
to cherish the past
and to learn from it,
to acknowledge
my mistakes
to myself
and accept with humility
that I too am human
with a right to blunder,
but posses the wisdom
to assess and repent
and an inherent strength
to humbly apologise
and make apt amends,


to witness
a time period
which crossed beyond
all realms of imagination,
and to participate
in this unfathomable story
of a previously
unimaginable reality,
of seeing
this unstoppable
constantly mobile world
actually coming
to a screeching halt,


so adieu 2020,
and though I know
it was never
your calling,
nor your
devious intention
to be crowned king
in the battle
of being
the most infamous year,
but I’ll always
remember you fondly,
for irrespective of all that
you may have denied me,
you did give me
the gift of time,

and time brought
a stranger to my door
to recalibrate
and understand
the temporariness
of my own presence,
in relationships
in lives
and in the world
at large,
and most importantly
to my own
inner being,
and after ages
I finally got
to meet myself again.


© vidursahdev 2020

7 thoughts on “Adieu 2020

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